To
the Parents of an Abuser
Recovery is the abstinence of the drug along with pursuit of healing from
the guilt, fear, rage and depression caused by the drugs. When your child
is in recovery, you will know it. You will see the attitude changed to
one of stability, more cooperative, more willing to be a part of the family.
They will make amends to those they have hurt. They will want to go to
AA. They will be talking "recovery." They will be spending time
with recovering people. They will be success-oriented instead of failure-oriented.
Some change is good but go for the whole "enchilada." By this
I mean begin to influence your child by entering into your healing process
from the pain of the ism (alcoholism). The ism represents the problems
that occur as a result of the drinking. This may have been going on for
generations in your family. Stop it now by healing. Let go of the sadness,
the discouragement, the lack of love, the rage, the guilt for thinking
you have caused it (you haven't) and the fear of seeing your child dead
or disabled because of this disease. This does not go away overnight.
You can repress these feelings but they will emerge when you are stressed
and control your attitude, your health, your relationships, your self-esteem
and your success. It takes a "program" and years of healing
- being with and learning for others who have been there and are healing
and have been healing for years - to recover.
Go to your recovery meetings. Stay abreast of the education offered and
do not get overconfident or begin to think you are gaining control. This
is an illusion. This problem is too big for any one of us. Stay humbled
by the treacherousness of the disease. Stay around and get in recovery.
The sickest family members do not go to treatment because they do the
same thing the alcoholic does. The pride and sense of overconfidence is
immense. They will not admit to being beaten. Surrender to win is the
key. When you surrender the disease cannot keep harming you.
You may think that the problem is smaller than it is. Respect the dangerousness
of the problem and see if you become complacent as time goes on. If you
are attending your meetings (AlAnon) and have friends who have experienced
their child going through the pain of alcoholism, you have protection.
However, if you become too overconfident, the disease will eat you for
breakfast.
