Teen
alcoholism is rampant today. Young adults are still drinking at rates,
which are incredibly high. This coincides with adolescent developmental
stages and usually is coupled with the need to individuate - to become
his or her "own person." All generations go through this. We
need to form our own identity and sense of independence as we prepare
to go out into the world. In an alcoholic family this is difficult because
of the need to control a problem which is so uncontrollable.
One of the major tasks of the family is to balance the need to control
so that it is purposeful and fair. Controlling one's home so that
it is alcohol free and having a curfew
and another requirement such as good grades is a duty of parenthood. However,
in a
family where the teen is drinking to excess this is difficult. There is
too much pressure on the family to stop the teen's behavior and chaos
is created which leads to a breakdown in parenting. Parents may disagree;
teens may be confused and given too much freedom and control as the family
becomes worn down.
The family suffers greatly from a child's use of alcohol, whether it is
beer, wine or liquor. I have seen the family suffer very serious problems
in all areas of life while either denying the problem or not knowing what
to do about the problem. However, there is hope. Denial and ignorance
of the factors involved in addiction and recovery characterize this problem.
The first step is getting out of denial - the illusion that the
problem is not there. In my thirty-six years of treating this disease,
I have not met anyone who wanted this problem (at first). This leads to
unacceptance (denial) of the problem). Once you know your family has this
problem it is best to deal with it clearly and directly. In other words,
don't sweep it under the rug. Sacrifice any embarrassment you may
have and seek help. Many, many functional persons are in recovery. It
is not for the low socio-economic levels only; it is not for the persons
who have gone down to rock bottom only. It affects all ranks of society,
all races, all religions… It has little respect for anyone. If the
genetic predisposition for addiction is present, it is possible for anyone
to become alcoholic without his or her awareness. Accept that it is present,
get help from qualified persons, take the appropriate action and move
on.
It is important to learn from someone who has been there and/or or
treats this problem as part of their job. It is best, in my opinion,
to use someone that has "been there" and treats the problem
as well. Be sure that the helper is "solid" in their recovery
first, that is, they treat their problem on an ongoing basis by daily
attention to their spiritual, mental, physical and emotional life. This
includes paying attention to families and close attachments as well as
career. This is similar to the process of recovery for the alcoholic and
the family, that is, become abstinent from the compulsion to drink or
fix the drinker, seek help, and continue the process daily and use this
new lifestyle as a "program" of recovery. It involves a conversion
and surrender to the fact that help is needed. We cannot do this alone.
